if I failed you only once
by pixie paramount
Summary: He never thoughts he'd ever lose her. Twice. — Superman: the Animated Series 1996 . Superman-centric. One-shot.


**STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED. **

**if I failed you only once  
****by:** _pixie paramount_ (8/20/2008, 3:14 AM)  
_Superman_, Clark Kent-centric & it's something you only imagine about once

* * *

She dies.

He is just a second too late.

Super Man has failed an innocent.

Her car burns before him. The smoke rises—up, up and away-as he sifts through the wreckage. He tries to save her, to find her, to tell himself _no_, _I didn't fail_, _see?_

But he did. And inside—well, what was left—there was nothing but a mangled, burnt up corpse. It's only her dental records and DNA that prove the death of Lois Lane.

He had thought, _believed_, that he could change the world. By example, like a parent leads their child across a dangerous street by the hand.

He thought wrong.

* * *

It's a quite affair.

There are people who respected and loved her, family and colleagues, and even Bruce slips in the shadows.

He watches them lower her casket as Clark, Smallville, the man who never quite had the chance to say it. He doesn't come as the failure—but, deep down, no disguise could ever mask this fact—as Superman. He comes as Clark Kent, the small town boy who came and worked with and loved her.

He's hollowed out and open, an open wound with his glasses crushed in his hands and the summer sun warm and hot against his skin.

It's now that he decides to make a deal with a devil. As the pain gnaws at his heart and calls out for redemption, for some misguided, foolish attempt at soothing the pain. To live a fools dream in bringing her back, doing her proud, making sure there are no more Lois Lanes to die like she did.

To make sure that he won't ever fail anyone—but, especially, her—ever again.

Even if it means that he must deal and partner up with the devil to do so.

* * *

He never thought he'd lose her.

It was a given—you find the girl, you keep the girl and, inevitably, you live Happily Ever After with the girl for as long as heaven would permit.

He imagine—really, it was more like daydream—that one day she would just fade from this world as all humans do. When they are sickly and old and sleeping, peaceful and warm and loved.

It's a sharp, bitter and cruel, reality when one year passes and the ache still stings, flows through his veins.

It's been one year ago today and it feels like the hundredth in a life that's not worth living, not anymore.

* * *

His actions have become detached, robotic, and he thinks—no, hopes—that it does some good.

There is a crowd before them as they announce their partnership to the world. The black suite is tight and cool against his skin.

_I am doing this for you_, he deceives as he looks to the public. _I am doing this for you_. But he's not thinking of the public or the world or anything.

He's thinking of those last moments, where she's _there_, real and tangible and _alive_, before the car burst and was smothered, engulfed, by flames.

* * *

Sometimes, he can still hear her voice.

_You are just too naïve, Smallville_.

* * *

He never thought he would ever lose her.

It was always a possibility. A nightmare that was quickly brushed off with the arrogance of being a hero.

He never thought he would lose her.

But he'd never thought she'd just _show up_ out of nowhere. After years and years and years.

And he almost doesn't recognize her. Almost hurts her.

And this miracle before him—so great and wondrous and _bitter_—hurts.

* * *

He never thought he'd lose her.

Let alone twice.

_She's not my Lois_, he comes to terms as she slips away with a kiss. The only kiss.

He wants to be selfish, like he hasn't all those years his Lois died and this new Lois slipped in and became a part of his world, and keep her here.

But it wouldn't be the same.

His Lois lies in a cemetery far from here. Her corpse gnawed on by worms and her grave marker dedicated with flowers and wreaths like a shrine. By fans and family and people who wish, _You lucky girl; you didn't witness this_.

But he sees her Superman hold her closely to him—comforting, protective, _I'll keep you safe_, _I found you_, _I have you back_—and he believe it. That this time, for a long time after, her Superman won't fail her like he had.

_He won't fail her_.

With this fact he is comforted, set free.

And, maybe, this life is worth living a second time.

* * *

**note:**  
1. based on the the 1996 animated series, Superman: The Animated Series. particularly, season two's _brand new metropolis_.


End file.
